It's not that I'm scared to go, I'm scared of what I'll leave behind
Here I am sitting at my desk in Anchorage, Alaska with the cold winter air pressing through the windows. This week I am planning to go to the new Warren Miller film with a bunch of friends, a tradition that has always marked the coming of winter. Thus it is strange to realize that in a little less than two months I will be stepping on a plane that will take me south... take me off to new adventures, places and people...take me to Guatemala.
I stopped today and asked myself why exactly I am leaving this place that is my home. This place that has wide open bowls for backcountry skiing, full moons over the Chugach mountains and the dazzling northern lights.
The answer is simple. To learn and grow.
When I think of the challenges ahead I feel both scared and excited. It's like this breathless emotion that makes my lips smile and my heart sink simultaneously.
So far I have done a fairly good job of keeping the fear at bay. It helps that I have been to Central America before and that I spent three months as an exchange student in Argentina in high school. This time I know what I'm getting into. This time I know that I am going to place where I will know no one and not feel completely at ease communicating even the basics.
And yet I am still choosing to go.
At this juncture in my ramblings I am struck by this idea: it's not that I'm scared to go, I'm scared of what I'll leave behind. In addition to my beloved Alaskan winters, I will also be leaving so many amazing people- people that make my days wonderful. That's hard to reconcile!
I can't help but wonder how this experience will change my thinking? I highly doubt that it will change the core of who I am but I am almost certain that it will change some of the ways I think about and approach the world. But how? I guess that is why I'm going... to find out how.
To life's beauty and goodness,
Amy
I stopped today and asked myself why exactly I am leaving this place that is my home. This place that has wide open bowls for backcountry skiing, full moons over the Chugach mountains and the dazzling northern lights.
The answer is simple. To learn and grow.
When I think of the challenges ahead I feel both scared and excited. It's like this breathless emotion that makes my lips smile and my heart sink simultaneously.
So far I have done a fairly good job of keeping the fear at bay. It helps that I have been to Central America before and that I spent three months as an exchange student in Argentina in high school. This time I know what I'm getting into. This time I know that I am going to place where I will know no one and not feel completely at ease communicating even the basics.
And yet I am still choosing to go.
At this juncture in my ramblings I am struck by this idea: it's not that I'm scared to go, I'm scared of what I'll leave behind. In addition to my beloved Alaskan winters, I will also be leaving so many amazing people- people that make my days wonderful. That's hard to reconcile!
I can't help but wonder how this experience will change my thinking? I highly doubt that it will change the core of who I am but I am almost certain that it will change some of the ways I think about and approach the world. But how? I guess that is why I'm going... to find out how.
To life's beauty and goodness,
Amy
posted by Amy | 5:57 PM
3 Comments:
HI Ames,
I love your ski pictures that you posted. And I love you.
Mom
HI Ames,
I love the photos, especially the one in Antigua looking up at the volcano. I really appreciate the blog and your narratives, as well. What a great idea, as you won't need to repeat everything. It's all there for any of us to read. Sounds like an interesting bus trip-glad you look the "upgrade"
And thanks for letting me know that you posted. I read your email about that after I wrote to you, so some of my questions are already answered. Now I'm curious about your homestay and family.
I love you so much.
Mom
HI Ames,
I just checked your blog again and noticed this time that you were wearing your ocelot hat in a few of your ski pictures. The ocelots are proud of you.
Love,
Mom
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