From North to South

Amy's ramblings. Once upon a time these ramblings pertained to my 5 months in Guatemala and Honduras. Then they followed the ebb and flow of my final semester in Alaska. From there things really went south ... to Argentina, Bolivia and Chile. After 8 months in the Andes, I fell back under Alaska's spell … working at a newspaper and wandering mountains. Now I'm somewhat south again ... in Jackson Hole, WY, teaching ski school on the clock and making fresh tracks off the clock.

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Location: Alaska, United States

I've come to realize that if you have faith in the world, the world will show you amazing and beautiful people, places and things

Monday, November 14, 2005

It's not that I'm scared to go, I'm scared of what I'll leave behind

     Here I am sitting at my desk in Anchorage, Alaska with the cold winter air pressing through the windows. This week I am planning to go to the new Warren Miller film with a bunch of friends, a tradition that has always marked the coming of winter. Thus it is strange to realize that in a little less than two months I will be stepping on a plane that will take me south... take me off to new adventures, places and people...take me to Guatemala.
     I stopped today and asked myself why exactly I am leaving this place that is my home. This place that has wide open bowls for backcountry skiing, full moons over the Chugach mountains and the dazzling northern lights.
     The answer is simple. To learn and grow.
     When I think of the challenges ahead I feel both scared and excited. It's like this breathless emotion that makes my lips smile and my heart sink simultaneously.
     So far I have done a fairly good job of keeping the fear at bay. It helps that I have been to Central America before and that I spent three months as an exchange student in Argentina in high school. This time I know what I'm getting into. This time I know that I am going to place where I will know no one and not feel completely at ease communicating even the basics.
     And yet I am still choosing to go.
     At this juncture in my ramblings I am struck by this idea: it's not that I'm scared to go, I'm scared of what I'll leave behind. In addition to my beloved Alaskan winters, I will also be leaving so many amazing people- people that make my days wonderful. That's hard to reconcile!
     I can't help but wonder how this experience will change my thinking? I highly doubt that it will change the core of who I am but I am almost certain that it will change some of the ways I think about and approach the world. But how? I guess that is why I'm going... to find out how.


To life's beauty and goodness,
Amy    

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

HI Ames,
I love your ski pictures that you posted. And I love you.
Mom

4:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HI Ames,
I love the photos, especially the one in Antigua looking up at the volcano. I really appreciate the blog and your narratives, as well. What a great idea, as you won't need to repeat everything. It's all there for any of us to read. Sounds like an interesting bus trip-glad you look the "upgrade"
And thanks for letting me know that you posted. I read your email about that after I wrote to you, so some of my questions are already answered. Now I'm curious about your homestay and family.
I love you so much.
Mom

5:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HI Ames,
I just checked your blog again and noticed this time that you were wearing your ocelot hat in a few of your ski pictures. The ocelots are proud of you.
Love,
Mom

7:41 PM  

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